So today is my 22nd birthday. No, I'm not "feeling 22." ;) I've had 22 years of life so far and that's creepy. Sometimes I feel 92 and other times I feel like I don't know anything as if I'm 5. Do you ever see a picture from years before and think to yourself "what was I thinking?" "Oh I remember that day.." I do. A lot of the pictures I find of myself, I look like I know what I'm doing, but it takes me back to that day when I was taking that picture and inside I was clueless. Truth is, I was always looking for something. I never knew what I was looking for, but I was never happy or grateful for the life, family and friends I've been given. I always had something to complain about. I had the most worldly mind. I'd create a mess of a situation and say "well everything happens for a reason!" NO. It doesn't. We are sinful humans who make our own mistakes and messes of our lives and try and make the best of them instead of calling upon our Savior to come rescue us and give us the clean slate we don't deserve (Sorry, soapbox.)
Anyways, when I look back at the majority of my photographs, I see a lost girl trying to find her way. Different friends, different phases, different styles, etc. I have put myself through a lot of pain and question in my 22 years. I've had many seasons where I'd run from Jesus. I wanted the control and that's not trusting in God and that's not believing in God. God has used the pain, question, fear, mistakes and struggles to bring me here. Here isn't a place, It's a lifestyle. God has completely restored my life and healed me from this dark world's battlefields. Thank you, Jesus. He has saved me from a life of control and fear and filled me with peace and joy. He still has to save me from it everyday.
When you look back through your photos what will you see? Will you see a path of brokenness that you've given to God and let him turn it for His good or will you see a life full of regret and not much change since then?
My dream is to look back from here, 22, to see a life of every situation, good or bad, reflecting the love of Christ. A life of hope even when there isn't much hope to have. A life of love and joy. A life of potential.
If God can use me, He can use you. No matter where you've been or what you've done, there's healing and restoration waiting for you. Just take it.
I never thought I would be who I am at 22. I honestly never thought about it because I was so busy controlling 16, 17, 18, etc. I want this day to not be a celebration of me, but a celebration of what Christ has done. He should be celebrated everyday. Thank you, Lord for your love, healing and newness you provide for us everyday.
P.s- Listen to "Times" by Tenth Avenue North & "Only You." by David Crowder.
The Lord is good to those who depend on Him, to those who search for Him. So it is good to wait quietly for salvation from the Lord. And it's good for people to submit at an early age to the yoke of His discipline. Let them sit alone in silence beneath the Lord's demands. Let them lie face down in the dust, for there may be hope at last. -Lamentations 3:25-29
