Someday.

"It's the oldest story in the world. One day you're seventeen and planning for someday, and then quietly, without you ever really noticing, someday is today, and that someday is yesterday and this is your life." -One Tree Hill.
Sometimes I get super frustrated and want all the answers to every lingering questions in my head.  Then I think to myself, "One day I'll know it all, have it all and have everything figured out."  When I first heard the quote from above, it brings me back not to seventeen, but to twenty.  I wanted all the answers and I ignored my present time and lived for that "someday fantasy."  This past week it hit me as I was riding my bike home from school that there is no such thing as a day when it all comes together.  We will never have all the answers.  We will never stop growing.  Things will never stop changing.  Someday is today.  If we keep dreaming for "someday" we will miss today.  Today is the day to change things.  Today is the day to take a leap of faith.  Today is the day to raise your voice.  Today is the day to let it all go and take the hand of Jesus.  Today is the day to be faithful.  Today is the day to commit to whatever you've been putting off or avoiding.  Someday is today.  A single day can change your life if you open up and let it.  I pray we will all get the strength to take today and make it into the day that changes everything for us.
But I am trusting you, Oh Lord, saying, "You are my God!" My future is in Your hands, rescue me from those who hunt me down relentlessly. -Psalm 31:14-15

I prayed to the Lord, and He answered me.  He freed me from all my fears.  -Psalm 34:4

Trust in the Lord and do good. Then you will live safely in the land and prosper. Take delight in the Lord; and He will give you the desires of your heart. -Psalm 37:3-4

Though they stumble, they will never fail, for the Lord holds them by the hand. -Psalm 37:24

Temporary darkness.

I'm going to start this post with a bible verse I read today.. Jeremiah 15:19 "If you return to me, I will restore you so you can continue to serve me. If you speak good words rather than worthless ones, you will be my spokesman. You must influence them; do not let them influence you."

We have all been sent here on earth to do something and only few of us finish what we are destined to do.  We go through pain, darkness and heartbreak for a purpose. When and if we take the time to learn from these experiences can we share our stories with the world, in hopes that it will help someone out of their darkness.
I have always lived a very fearful life.  I've always been scared to put myself out there or lift up my voice when I probably should have.  I also have this weird fear of people and their judgement of me.  So I try my best to blend in, in hopes that no one will notice me.  I listened to a sermon this summer over being a person who follows through with our callings.
We are called to be faithful.
I have recently, by the grace of God, gotten out of a darkness I've been enslaved to for several years.  God has broken me, taken so many things away from me, made me sit and be still and transformed me from the inside out.  The desires I have and the things I'm doing now are things I told myself I would never be doing.
I see now that my pain had purpose.
It's because after years of running from God and what He wants for my life I realized that nothing else on this earth can satisfy my soul like Jesus.
He has breathed life into my dry bones.  It's because of Him that I live.
"This is what the sovereign Lord says: Look! I am going to put breath into you and make you live again! I will put flesh and muscle on you and cover you with skin. I will put breath into you and you will come to life. Then you will know that I am Lord." Ezekiel 37:5-6
I've gone from completely planning every detail of my life and future to not knowing my next step. But I've strangely never had more peace.  I know that no matter where I go and what I'm doing, I'm safe.  I'm slowly coming out of my shell and letting my guard down.  This new chapter I've started has blessed me so much already.
Whoever you are and wherever you are right now, your pain has purpose and you are destined for greatness.

Only Jesus.

Sometimes I feel kind of lost.  Like everyone around me is flying past me and my feet are stuck to the ground.   You can be in a room full of people who seem like they have it all together, but you still feel so alone.  Like no one understands you or is on the same page as you are.
Today I woke up in a great mood and got so much done before I left for church.  Between the time I left church and the time I got home, discouragement started setting in.  I started to feel that lost feeling again.

It really is something special when God places people along your path that share the same passions and dreams as you do.  I've learned that even the greatest people in your life can't complete you.  They cannot fill voids or carry you through every obstacle.  Only Jesus.  We humans are broken, scarred and imperfect.  To expect another person to fulfill every hope we have is only going to end in disappointment.  I catch myself putting my worth into how people treat me and see me.  So unhealthy.

I love spending time with my friends and family, but I also am learning to cherish the alone time I have.  It's precious.  It's hard coming off of fun weekends or nights with my friends, but when I slow down and come back to just Jesus, peace overwhelms me.
I used to claim my identity in people and earthly things instead of Christ.  I'd find things I like about certain people and try to become a different person.
It has been in the loneliness and the quiet stillness with Jesus that I have completely transformed into a person I never even knew I could be.  The crazy thing is that I'm just 21.  I still have my whole life to learn more and more.
Hold on dearly to the people who pour the love of Christ into you and uplift you, but remember it's not their doing, it's Jesus.  The way He loves us is incomprehensible.
"If God's love is an ocean our minds can only hold a jarful."-Francis Chan (Crazy Love)

"For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases Him." 

Philippians 2:13

"Hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny.." 

C.S. Lewis

"Be still and know that I am God. I will be honored by every nation. I will be exalted in the earth" 

Psalm 46:10