Teek.

A little over 2 years ago I fell in love with hedgehogs and decided that one day I'll get one. Well, that day has finally come and around 2 weeks ago I became a "hog mom" to a little hedgie named "Teek." I thought by getting a hedgehog I'd be getting this incredibly sweet and loving pet that thinks I'm the greatest person on the planet, but I couldn't have been more off. I've learned that these animals need time to warm up to you and that you have to fight for their love.. What? You mean they don't naturally pose for pictures in Starbucks' cups or snuggle with you or love you instantly? Bummer. To be super honest, I'm not the most patient human either. (I'm working on it.)

Teek has taught me so much about God and His father heart. I never expected a hedgehog to be able to teach me about the Lord, but I suppose stranger things have happened.
A few facts: hedgehogs are natural prey animals, so they are super fearful and aren't generally a very social pet.  It really makes me sad that my pet lives in such fear. He is so scared of everything and everyone, including me, and every day I have to almost retrain him to not be afraid of me and where I have him. I literally have told him as I'm holding him and he's shaking, "You're so safe with me. Why can't you see that you're safe?" Then I saw it so clearly. God holds me like that every second of every day and whispers the same thing to me as I tend to draw back in fear.
I wait for the other shoe to drop with God.
I hide away scared of where He has me.
As I'm being tenderly held by the God of the universe, I'm clenching on for dear life to whatever I can because I can't see past my human tendencies to just listen and trust Him.
Thank you, God, that you're so much more patient than I am and that with you I'm actually safe.
I don't have to be afraid to be out of my comfort zone or by being held by God. He's got me. 

Once Teek is with me for a little while, he starts to trust me and love me and relax more, but it takes time. My goal is to ultimately be able to pick him up without him shaking in fear and for him to trust in who I am and that I love him and would never harm him. I know that God wants the same for me. He wants me to be fearless with Him and trust Him when He moves. To be able to readily come when He calls and to rest in His loving arms.
Hedgehogs are seriously therapeutic, guys.

"I know the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken for He is right beside me. No wonder my heart is so glad and I rejoice. My body rests in safety." -Psalm 16:8-9

"This I declare about the Lord: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety, He is my God and I trust Him." Psalm 91:2

"The Lord says, 'I will rescue those who love me. I will protect those who trust in My name. When they call on Me, I will answer; I will be with them in trouble. I will rescue and honor them. I will reward them with a long life and give them My salvation.'" Psalm 91:14-16

The only thing I know.

For the longest time growing up I always thought I'd come to a place one day when I've reached the point of having it "all figured out." I always imagined this picture perfect life where I knew everything there was to know, I was content with every single detail of my life and that life would just go on happily ever after. I'm not sure when reality set in, but it definitely wasn't until well into my college years when The Lord lovingly shook me and asked me, "Ty, when did I say you had to be perfect? That your life had to be perfect? When did I say that my love is based on performance and that it's not unconditional?" And that's when it hit me. I had this picture of this worry free, problem free, easy life that I had never fit God into.
So I've come to the conclusion:
My life is messy. I'm a total mess all the time, but God LOVES it. All God asks for is our messy hearts because He makes our messes beautiful. He makes our worries, problems, imperfections and shortcomings wonderful for HIS life He has for us. It doesn't make any sense and that's the beauty of it!
I love that God does the work in orchestrating the things in our lives. I mean think about it, the best things that have ever happened to you, did you really do them? No, of course not! God put a desire on your heart and divinely orchestrated it for you to walk into. It doesn't mean that we don't have to work for these things, but He's the reason they work and that they're even possible. Our God is a God of detail. I'm convinced that God cares about absolutely every detail of my life. From what time I drink coffee, to the route I take to work, every conversation I have and my last thought before I go to sleep. He cares about the smallest worries in my heart and always affirms my doubts. Did you notice a pattern in this post? Mess. My worries, my mess. He wants and loves it all. He makes my paths straight. Thank you, Jesus!
 We're human. We struggle. We doubt. We stumble. We all need a savior. Let's rest in the fact that God loves us all the same on the mountain tops and in the deepest valleys. We can't be perfect, but we can abide in Him and trust that His plans are best for us. We are perfectly imperfect.
The only thing I know is that I don't know anything.. and that's okay with me.

"…Trust in the Lord with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

Check out Psalm 139, too! :)

Take me deeper.

If you would've told me a year ago that'd I'd be where I am right now, I would've laughed in disbelief. This past year has been the most life changing adventure ever.  One of my favorite things about God is that He loves to surprise His children.  If you know me, you know that I LOVE surprises.  This past summer has been full of surprises. It's like every time I'd try and put God in a box and say, "there's no way that would happen" or "I'll never do that" God would show up and meet me right where I'm at and I'd be doing these "impossible" things. Only Jesus.
It's no secret that life is moving really fast these days and that it's hard to think to stop and see all the beauty around us.  A convicting thought I had a few months ago is that we will never just have all this time to stop and appreciate our lives, but that we have to make time for it.  I've found that the more intentional I am about taking in each moment of my life, the more available I am for God to work in me.  I'm guilty of wasting so much time in my past with wishing time would speed up so I could get past all the hard times and get to the fun, life changing stuff.  I wasn't aware that the life change happens when we are available for it and take in whatever our situations may be to learn and grow.
"My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses so that the power of Christ can work through me. That's why I take pleasure in my weaknesses and in the insults, hardships, persecutions and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong. -2 Corinthians 12:9-10
God is such a faithful God with a clean record. He has never failed and He won't start now. So why is it so hard to trust Him sometimes with such small things?  He's already done the impossible. He brought us from death to life.  He has already gone down our paths and made them straight. He wants to walk along them with us hand in hand at His pace. Why are we so quick to jump from one season to another when there's beauty right now that we are missing?  I don't have any better answer to these questions than to say that it's because we are human. We doubt, we fall short of the glory of God every day.  I challenge you to take in the moments of your day and ask God to show you the beautiful things He has set out for you. After all, this season you're in, whatever it may be, is going to pass.  Let's start enjoying where we are at.
"For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under Heaven." -Ecclesiastes 3:1

Little did I know.

I haven't written in awhile, so I figured it's only appropriate to make the best of the last night of 2013.  I always get pretty sentimental when each year ends. It always goes by pretty fast and I never feel like I appreciate it enough while in the midst of it. This year has been filled with a lot of joy, a lot of pain and a lot of change for me.  I've been placed way outside of my comfort zone and have been challenged in so many places.  There's been a few instances where I saw no hope or no way out, but God was faithful.  I just saw a quote that said "God keeps His promises" with a bible verse beside it. It reads "God is not a man, so He does not lie.  He is not human, so He does not change His mind. Has He ever spoken and failed to act? Has He ever promised and not carried it through?" -Numbers 23:19
God sees us through. Whether it's in 10 minutes, 10 months, 10 years or 100 years, He's a man of His word.
This time last year, I was on my way to Passion in Atlanta, Ga.  If you've never been, It's absolutely life changing, so GO! :) The bus ride was so long so there was plenty of time to think about what I wanted out of this new year.  All I really wanted was hope. Hope that I could find myself and my place at Baylor, Hope for a church home and a community that uplifts me, hope for me to quit being so hard on myself, hope that my dreams of traveling the world and doing The Lord's will would come true.

Do you believe in divine appointments? I do. Little did I know that I would come to meet one of my best friends at Passion in the middle of 60,000 strangers.
Little did I know that I'd fall in love with writing.
Little did I know that trying every church in Waco and surrounding towns would leave me in tears only to hear God speak "Try Antioch."  Antioch has been everything and more for me. The community, my amazing life group, it's just all about Jesus.
Little did I know that after applying for so many different jobs and nothing working out, that a photography job at Baylor would present itself.  I'm so thankful for it. God knew best.
Little did I know that being so introverted and shy wasn't something to be ashamed of, but embraced. I'm still learning from it everyday.
Little did I know that cutting out television, secular music and nonsense of the world wasn't a choice, but a desire.
Last but not least, little did I know that falling in love with Jesus is something I want more and
more of everyday. He's the well that does not run dry.

Isaiah 55:1-3

Press into this new year and remember that God is the deliverer, just run to Him.

I choose to see stars.

Do you ever have days that run together and you can't seem to catch your breath? How about when you finally get a chance to catch your breath, you can't really relax because you feel like there's something that needs to be done?
I feel like my life has gone from 0 to 60 in an instant. God really has blessed me with SO many cool opportunities and excitement lately.  It's really cool how He uses us when we are least expecting it.  It's like when God appoints me to do something, I'll look around and be like "Um, me?" One of my best friends told me "Tyler, God doesn't appoint the qualified, He qualifies the appointed." It's so true.

In the midst of my business, I often lose sight on what I'm working for or why I'm doing what I'm doing.  God is so faithful though and I'm slowly learning how to see God in everything that I do.  The whole point to my existence is to be able to glorify Him in all that I do.

One of my favorite things to do is to sit outside and write or to just simply just lay there and stare at the sky.  Tonight when I got home, it's like God told me. "Tyler, look up."  I did and what I saw was just clouds. No stars. No moon.  I asked God, "What's there to see?" As soon as the thought came across my mind the answer came to me. Just because I can't see the stars or the moon doesn't mean that they're not there.
God is always there whether you feel Him or not. Just because you're not into a particular job or activity God has appointed you to do doesn't mean He's not present. Just because you can't see why you're doing it or why He's leading you somewhere you're not sure of, doesn't mean He isn't there.
God promises us that He has already paved the way. He's already at the days we are dreaming of, our worst days ahead and right here, right now.

I challenge you to set your mind to know that He is always holding your hand and is with you on your cloudiest days.

Do not be afraid of discouraged, for the Lord will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; He will never fail you nor abandon you. Deuteronomy 31:8.

Here is safe.

So today is my 22nd birthday.  No, I'm not "feeling 22." ;)  I've had 22 years of life so far and that's creepy.  Sometimes I feel 92 and other times I feel like I don't know anything as if I'm 5.  Do you ever see a picture from years before and think to yourself "what was I thinking?" "Oh I remember that day.."  I do.  A lot of the pictures I find of myself, I look like I know what I'm doing, but it takes me back to that day when I was taking that picture and inside I was clueless.  Truth is, I was always looking for something.  I never knew what I was looking for, but I was never happy or grateful for the life, family and friends I've been given.  I always had something to complain about.  I had the most worldly mind.  I'd create a mess of a situation and say "well everything happens for a reason!" NO. It doesn't.  We are sinful humans who make our own mistakes and messes of our lives and try and make the best of them instead of calling upon our Savior to come rescue us and give us the clean slate we don't deserve (Sorry, soapbox.)
Anyways,  when I look back at the majority of my photographs, I see a lost girl trying to find her way.  Different friends, different phases, different styles, etc.  I have put myself through a lot of pain and question in my 22 years.  I've had many seasons where I'd run from Jesus.  I wanted the control and that's not trusting in God and that's not believing in God.  God has used the pain, question, fear, mistakes and struggles to bring me here.  Here isn't a place, It's a lifestyle.  God has completely restored my life and healed me from this dark world's battlefields.  Thank you, Jesus.  He has saved me from a life of control and fear and filled me with peace and joy.  He still has to save me from it everyday.
When you look back through your photos what will you see? Will you see a path of brokenness that you've given to God and let him turn it for His good or will you see a life full of regret and not much change since then?
My dream is to look back from here, 22, to see a life of every situation, good or bad, reflecting the love of Christ.  A life of hope even when there isn't much hope to have.  A life of love and joy.  A life of potential.
If God can use me, He can use you.  No matter where you've been or what you've done, there's healing and restoration waiting for you. Just take it.
I never thought I would be who I am at 22.  I honestly never thought about it because I was so busy controlling 16, 17, 18, etc.  I want this day to not be a celebration of me, but a celebration of what Christ has done.  He should be celebrated everyday.  Thank you, Lord for your love, healing and newness you provide for us everyday.

P.s- Listen to "Times" by Tenth Avenue North & "Only You." by David Crowder.

The Lord is good to those who depend on Him, to those who search for Him. So it is good to wait quietly for salvation from the Lord. And it's good for people to submit at an early age to the yoke of His discipline. Let them sit alone in silence beneath the Lord's demands.  Let them lie face down in the dust, for there may be hope at last. -Lamentations 3:25-29

Someday.

"It's the oldest story in the world. One day you're seventeen and planning for someday, and then quietly, without you ever really noticing, someday is today, and that someday is yesterday and this is your life." -One Tree Hill.
Sometimes I get super frustrated and want all the answers to every lingering questions in my head.  Then I think to myself, "One day I'll know it all, have it all and have everything figured out."  When I first heard the quote from above, it brings me back not to seventeen, but to twenty.  I wanted all the answers and I ignored my present time and lived for that "someday fantasy."  This past week it hit me as I was riding my bike home from school that there is no such thing as a day when it all comes together.  We will never have all the answers.  We will never stop growing.  Things will never stop changing.  Someday is today.  If we keep dreaming for "someday" we will miss today.  Today is the day to change things.  Today is the day to take a leap of faith.  Today is the day to raise your voice.  Today is the day to let it all go and take the hand of Jesus.  Today is the day to be faithful.  Today is the day to commit to whatever you've been putting off or avoiding.  Someday is today.  A single day can change your life if you open up and let it.  I pray we will all get the strength to take today and make it into the day that changes everything for us.
But I am trusting you, Oh Lord, saying, "You are my God!" My future is in Your hands, rescue me from those who hunt me down relentlessly. -Psalm 31:14-15

I prayed to the Lord, and He answered me.  He freed me from all my fears.  -Psalm 34:4

Trust in the Lord and do good. Then you will live safely in the land and prosper. Take delight in the Lord; and He will give you the desires of your heart. -Psalm 37:3-4

Though they stumble, they will never fail, for the Lord holds them by the hand. -Psalm 37:24

Temporary darkness.

I'm going to start this post with a bible verse I read today.. Jeremiah 15:19 "If you return to me, I will restore you so you can continue to serve me. If you speak good words rather than worthless ones, you will be my spokesman. You must influence them; do not let them influence you."

We have all been sent here on earth to do something and only few of us finish what we are destined to do.  We go through pain, darkness and heartbreak for a purpose. When and if we take the time to learn from these experiences can we share our stories with the world, in hopes that it will help someone out of their darkness.
I have always lived a very fearful life.  I've always been scared to put myself out there or lift up my voice when I probably should have.  I also have this weird fear of people and their judgement of me.  So I try my best to blend in, in hopes that no one will notice me.  I listened to a sermon this summer over being a person who follows through with our callings.
We are called to be faithful.
I have recently, by the grace of God, gotten out of a darkness I've been enslaved to for several years.  God has broken me, taken so many things away from me, made me sit and be still and transformed me from the inside out.  The desires I have and the things I'm doing now are things I told myself I would never be doing.
I see now that my pain had purpose.
It's because after years of running from God and what He wants for my life I realized that nothing else on this earth can satisfy my soul like Jesus.
He has breathed life into my dry bones.  It's because of Him that I live.
"This is what the sovereign Lord says: Look! I am going to put breath into you and make you live again! I will put flesh and muscle on you and cover you with skin. I will put breath into you and you will come to life. Then you will know that I am Lord." Ezekiel 37:5-6
I've gone from completely planning every detail of my life and future to not knowing my next step. But I've strangely never had more peace.  I know that no matter where I go and what I'm doing, I'm safe.  I'm slowly coming out of my shell and letting my guard down.  This new chapter I've started has blessed me so much already.
Whoever you are and wherever you are right now, your pain has purpose and you are destined for greatness.

Only Jesus.

Sometimes I feel kind of lost.  Like everyone around me is flying past me and my feet are stuck to the ground.   You can be in a room full of people who seem like they have it all together, but you still feel so alone.  Like no one understands you or is on the same page as you are.
Today I woke up in a great mood and got so much done before I left for church.  Between the time I left church and the time I got home, discouragement started setting in.  I started to feel that lost feeling again.

It really is something special when God places people along your path that share the same passions and dreams as you do.  I've learned that even the greatest people in your life can't complete you.  They cannot fill voids or carry you through every obstacle.  Only Jesus.  We humans are broken, scarred and imperfect.  To expect another person to fulfill every hope we have is only going to end in disappointment.  I catch myself putting my worth into how people treat me and see me.  So unhealthy.

I love spending time with my friends and family, but I also am learning to cherish the alone time I have.  It's precious.  It's hard coming off of fun weekends or nights with my friends, but when I slow down and come back to just Jesus, peace overwhelms me.
I used to claim my identity in people and earthly things instead of Christ.  I'd find things I like about certain people and try to become a different person.
It has been in the loneliness and the quiet stillness with Jesus that I have completely transformed into a person I never even knew I could be.  The crazy thing is that I'm just 21.  I still have my whole life to learn more and more.
Hold on dearly to the people who pour the love of Christ into you and uplift you, but remember it's not their doing, it's Jesus.  The way He loves us is incomprehensible.
"If God's love is an ocean our minds can only hold a jarful."-Francis Chan (Crazy Love)

"For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases Him." 

Philippians 2:13

"Hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny.." 

C.S. Lewis

"Be still and know that I am God. I will be honored by every nation. I will be exalted in the earth" 

Psalm 46:10

Dysfunctionally functional...

Today wasn't the best day..  I was nearly late to my first class after hardly being able to wake up.  I then rode my bike into a bush on campus because some people were taking up the whole sidewalk.  Yes, people saw it happen. ( Feel free to laugh.)  I could barely stay awake for my two classes and when I got back to my bike I saw that my tires were nearly flat.  It made for a challenging ride home.  When I got home I remembered that I needed to take my car to the shop to air up its tires, as well.  After a few minutes of waiting, the man who was airing them up came to me telling me he broke off one of my sensors.. Luckily, he took care of it instead of me having to pay $150 for it.  Then my windshield wipers stopped working when I needed them. To top off the day, I felt really homesick.

Today was an abundance of setbacks and stress.

Satan tried attacking me numerous times today.  The old me would've cowered down, cried and then hide away in my apartment all day. 

But Something's very different now.

It's so easy to feel God's presence when life is going well and we are having these great days, but it's a whole other story to feel God's presence in our suffering. 

While I was still on the verge of tears today, I realized that my suffering is totally different.  I knew exactly where all these attacks were coming from and I fought back.

I doctored the scrapes from the bush incident, I took a nap and drank more coffee after being so tired, I aired up my bike tires, I didn't have to pay a thing for my tire repair & I went and bought what I needed to fix my wipers.  God even had a few of my closest friends get in touch with me today which provided great comfort. 

While all these problems aren't big in the grand scheme of things, they add up and can really frustrate and tear down a person. 

The point I'm trying to make, is that even in the little things, God is faithful.  He's always, always present.  Remember that you can learn something new about Jesus everyday. Even on the bad ones.

Your unfailing love, O Lord, is as vast as the heavens; Your faithfulness reaches beyond the clouds. Psalm 36:5

O LORD, hear my prayer, listen to my cry for mercy; in Your faithfulness and righteousness come to my relief. Psalm 143:1

The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is His faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh each morning. Lamentations 3:22-23